Road Gods

Look, we don't want to force any sort of "religious" beliefs on anyone. We're against that. So please, dear reader, understand that what follows is a matter of utmost carpool importance -- an issue of the highest order in our carpool.

Mumbles: You will honor, respect, and otherwise conform your carpool behavior to the dictates of the Road Gods. You will.

You must understand by now, Mumbles, that (as Sparky, Madd Dogg, and I have explained to you countless times) the Road Gods get to decide whether we get home at 6:15pm or 10:15pm. You don't get to decide; other drivers don't get to decide; the Road Gods do. Now you may not like the fact that the Road Gods have so much power over us, but they do. Consider the evidence, which is unrefuted:

Whenever anyone in the carpool says something like, "Gee, traffic isn't too bad today," within the next 10 to 15 seconds, traffic comes to a crashing halt. Every time.

The puzzling thing, Mumbles, is that you keep testing that precept. You insist on making comments when traffic is good. And every freaking time, we end up looking at the ass-end of someone else's car. For the love of all things holy, you must stop talking about traffic.

The answer is simple, Mumbles. Respect the Road Gods. When traffic is good, don't talk about it. Don't even think about it. And if you do, just apologize to the Road Gods. It only takes a second. And yet, it could save us hours.