Carpool Profile: Sparky

Sparky is 100% organic. He's made from reclaimed and recycled materials, without the use of pesticides. He operates entirely on renewable resources. He is energy efficient.

Although all of those characteristics sound pretty new fangled, don't be fooled. Sparky is also somewhat of a throwback. He's into lunch-counters and handkerchiefs. And he longs for the days of yore, when people could work out their differences with a good old-fashioned fistfight in the back alley, and then share a soda.

Nowadays, Sparky settles for verbal sparring. A true "contrarian," Sparky can argue any side of an issue, even one that you know (or at least strongly suspect) he disagrees with. Example: We once spent an entire carpool ride (about an hour) arguing about firearms -- me saying that they should be banned, and him saying that they were a necessary part of ordered liberty. It is Sparky's tendency toward such disputes -- especially with Madd Dogg -- that earns him the oft-repeated label of "jackass."

Sparky's most immutable trait, however, is his love of the underdog. In the carpool, Sparky is the great equalizer. If a carpool argument has tilted too heavily in one direction, Sparky will wake from his snoring slumber in the back seat and, without opening his eyes, defend the defeated. It's truly maddening if you were the one winning the argument; but if you were on the losing end, Sparky's rescuing feels damn good.

For all of Sparky's jackassed contrarianism, he is indisputably the guy who would stand by your side and help you face an oncoming horde of thugs. As the thugs approached, Sparky would roll up his sleeves and tell you, "Don't sweat it; we can take 'em." And the thing is, you'd believe him.