Hey, everyone! Apologies are on me!

Apologies are cheap. And thank goodness for that because, today, I’ve had to toss them around freely, like candy from a parade float. Seriously, I feel like I should hit the lecture tour, traveling from town to town with one of those hands-free microphones, telling idiots like myself how to give a good apology.

It all began at about 9:00 am. Madd Dogg had to give a “presentation” (of sorts) for work and, although this “presentation” was to take place in a public milieu, she had given me strict orders not to go watch her. Well, I went anyway. I thought that I could sneak in quietly and sit in the back, without her noticing. I was wrong.

When I entered, she had not yet begun her presentation, and she was sitting (literally) about 15 inches from the entrance. I almost stepped on her, for crying out loud. “You are a dead man,” she said as I walked past to take my seat. Immediately after her presentation, while we were walking away, she gave me several good punches on the arm. And later, back at the office, she accused me of abusing her trust, and she gave me the cold shoulder. She wouldn’t talk to me until I apologized, like, four times.

I had to apologize to Mumbles too, although only twice. Mumbles announced this morning that he had to go to “the God-damn dentist” (his words). During the ride home, he told us that he had a cavity. Rather than showing Mumbles my empathy skills, I sort of “rubbed it in” by questioning his oral hygiene. I sarcastically reminded him that he was in his 30’s (a little old for cavities), and I judgmentally asked him if he ever brushed his teeth. He refused to answer. Realizing the breadth of my rudeness, I backpedaled, asking him how many times per day he brushed his teeth. But the damage was already done. I had acted badly, and apologies were in order.

And now, finally, I am required to apologize to all of you SFZ readers. Yesterday, I posted a blog entry that was so random, disjointed, and generally dumb that you probably lost brain cells if you were unlucky enough to read it. I feel like the posting had potential. (I mean, really: Empty gas tanks? The similar plotlines in River Phoenix’s Running on Empty and Little Nikita? “Schoolhouse Rock”? That’s great stuff, man.) But at the end of the day, the posting proved to be too ambitious and it fell flat on its face. I have now deleted said blog posting, and I beg your forgiveness.

If, by some chance, you read the blog yesterday and thought it was brilliant, then I guess I have to apologize yet again for taking it away from you, and for effectively saying that you have bad taste in blogs.

[photo by squeakymarmot]