I know you're all dying to know...

...who at Searching for Zentra can hold their breath the longest. Or who can hold a note the longest. Lucky for you, both those pressing issues were decided today.

It started, as most things at SFZ do, with something absurd that digressed into something more absurd. All of a sudden, we decide that we should see who can hold their breath the longest. Seriously, people, this is what happens when three people are trapped in a car together at ungodly hours of the morning. Madd Dogg, as driver, did not participate in such unsafe frivolity. But she watched as Mumbles went first, with Fidget timing him. Mumbles took a very zen-like approach, tilting back and closing his eyes. He made it for, like, a really long time. Then it was Fidget's turn. He didn't, uh, do so well.

So they switched to see who could hold a note the longest. The note didn't have to be pretty, just looonnnggg. Again, Mumbles takes the zen approach and purports to make it 57 seconds. Only, like his mumbling, you couldn't hear him hold the note. It sounded like silence coming from the backseat. He insisted that he was in fact holding the note, but explained that his intonation just blended with the road noise.

Next up is Fidget. He decides that it will help if he starts his notes with the words "Medical Detectives." Yeah, I have no idea what that is or where it came from. But he did it, and he, well, he kinda sucked. He only made it a mere 40 some odd seconds.

Fidget decided he was "off his game." So he declared a rematch on the way home. Again, Mumbles held a note for 56 seconds, and then pontificated on his "consistency." Fidget skipped the Medical Detectives, and just went for a solid note. He only made it 30 some odd seconds. He explained that, half way thru the note, it occurred to him how absurd the whole thing was. As if that was news to him?" What in the hell do we do at SFZ that isn't absurd?? Mumbles decided that it was all the running that Fidget does that hurt his ability to hold a note. Seems to me that would work the other way, but what in the hell do I know.

Bottom line? It was a clean sweep, with Mumbles winning both categories. Next up: a cage match between Mumbles and Fidget. My money is on Mumbles.

photo by mikael cosmo