Results (and Awards) Show!

I have in my hand the results of the 2006 Carpool Tennis Smackdown Challenge (CTSC) (see Post "Smackdown," July 10, 2006). But unlike Ryan Seacrest -- who undoubtedly would go to commercial break, like, 12 times before finally revealing the winner with a confusing double negative -- I’m just going to come right out with it:

The winners of the 2006 CTSC were Sparky and me (Fidget). But the match was, by no means, a lopsided affair. In fact, the teams were pretty well matched. The final score: 6-4 in the first set, 7-5 in the second).

Because I was voted the carpool member most likely to post the results -- and let’s face it, you all knew it wasn’t going to be Sparky or Mumbles (see Post “19 Days and Counting,” July 13, 2006) -- I took it upon myself to designate some awards:

Most Consistent Player: Madd Dogg. She managed to hit more first serves in than anyone else on the court. And she double faulted only after she made a point of saying that she had not yet double faulted. (Isn’t that always the way it goes?)

Best Actor: Mumbles, in the role of Wimp Writhing in Pain on the Court. One of Fidget’s only decent volleys was directed at Mumbles's feet. After the ball hit him in the ankle, he dropped his racquet, fell to ground with a dramatic flourish, and grabbed his ankle in "pain." He would do well in World Cup Soccer.

Best Motivator: Sparky. With encouraging, yet vague, statements like “High percentage, high percentage,” he is the clear winner of this award. But if that weren’t enough, his patronizing quip to Mumbles -- “What, is your wuss gland flaring up?” -- would definitely seal the deal.

Best Oreo Bringer: This one goes to me. I brought a package of Double Stuff Oreos. We learned that the ordinarily waxy filling tastes really good after the package has been sitting in the sun for awhile. Mmmm.

Most Anti-Climactic Moment: During one hard-fought rally, Sparky sent the ball high in the air, but not deep enough. Mumbles, his eyes as big as saucers, stepped up to bash the ball into Fidget’s forehead. Instead, his leg cramped and he fell down. The ball bounced harmlessly into the net.