What happens when you assume?

Not so fast, smarty pants! I know that you all were thinking that, when one assumes, it makes an ass of "u" and "me." But we at Searching for Zentra take literalism to an extreme and somewhat painful degree. I thought that, before we all head off for turkey, a little family dysfunction, and football, I'd share a little vignette about what happens when you assume in our carpool (and I'll give you the very most abbreviated, least painful version that I can):

Sparky to Fidget (As he gets into the car, where Madd Dogg, Fidget, and Mumbles are waiting): Dude, I'm not talking to you.

Fidget: Why?

Sparky: Because you left the office without me!

Fidget: But dude! I assumed that you had already gone to the car without me. But I guess I know what happens when I assume, it makes an ass out of..

Sparky: You better not say that it makes an ass out of me, because I didn't do anything. I'm not the ass, you are.

Fidget: Yeah, that's true. But, as an aside, to make that saying more accurate, "assume" should be spelled "assyoume." Otherwise, it's just misleading, because "you" isn't spelled "u."

Mumbles: It's an imperfect saying, dudes, jsueosybjdlwsu3osl#@sdld.

My head hurts now. And the family dysfunction hasn't even begun yet. Happy Thanksgiving!